March 16, 2017

Triple Obesity for the Price of One [Snippet]

There I was in the Stop & Shop as aisle traffic began to pick up for Winter Storm Stella. Armed with a digital coupon for Ben & Jerry’s, I was on my final dash through the cold section and about to settle on Coconuts for Caramel Core when the pesky maths flared up like a numerical brain rash.

It turns out that the food realm is a place where being thrifty can get you into life trouble.

Ice cream used to be more of a staple in our home, but, being an adult now, I’ve had to accept that nightly dessert leads pretty certainly to fatness. I spent most of this grocery run telling myself that paying more for less ice cream was like a small investment in being thinner.

And that’s true.

But I could get three times as much Turkey Hill Choco Mint Chip for $1 less than the Ben & Jerry’s, even with the coupon.

In the end, lower unit prices and All You Can Eat deals and 2-for-1 coupons on the wrong foods are bargains on bolstering the bulge. Avail yourself of the “savings” too often, and you’ll probably spend more on clothes and remedial care later. I’m hoping to get my head and my feelings aligned with this inconvenient truth sometime before senior citizen specials ensure my doom.

Of course, self control on portions is also an option. No one is proposing that anyone should ban ice cream forever from their house. I’m not a monster.

They should rechristen it “Mint Chocolate Smooth Shaves” or something more accurate because thanks to its creamy delectability, I now refuse to settle for mint ice cream with the stiff chips in it. If you’re reading this, Hannah Faye, I forgot to mention there’s some in the freezer. I think it’s behind the broccoli. You go to Stop & Shop next time.

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